Commitment, part II

Part of what I find interesting about thinking about the whole marriage thing is examining my own ideas. I know that if Mark & I were really holding a wedding or even just a reception after having a very small wedding, then I wouldn't think twice about inviting all my siblings & parts of my extended biological family, and I'd actually expect them to come. (When I told one of my sisters about our appointment to get married, her response was "tell me when & we'll be out there").

But, for some reason (internalized homophobia? wedding envy?), I just don't feel the same about doing a party without having done the whole legal thing. I just don't feel as comfortable asking my family and friends to pay a bunch of money to come to CA for a party. (And, for parts of my family and some of my friends, it would be a financial burden -- just plane tickets for a family of 5 is expensive, and then there is the hotel costs).

Maybe it's all just a hold-over from childhood experiences. My parents or aunts & uncles never made a big deal about wedding anniversaries other than the 25th & 50th. (And, even the 25th anniversaries weren't that big of a thing -- more likely that the couple would take some special trip). Weddings, on the other hand, were always a big deal. And given the size of my extended family, there were lots of weddings!

Dancing C4

I'm contemplating whether I want to drop out of dancing C4.

First off, let me explain a bit. I've never been one of those dancers who feels that he has to move up in level. I did get to C1 fairly quickly, but not at any kind of super-human fast pace like a few people I know have done. In general, I've waited until I was comfortable at a level before starting the next one. It's never been a goal of mine to dance a higher level. OK, maybe I really wanted to dance Advanced, so that I could go to the A&C, but that's been about it.

My only reason for learning C4 was that there were some great people I wanted to dance with. If it hadn't been for that particular group of people, I never would have attempted C4. So, I started C4 & I've really enjoyed dancing with this group & meeting and dancing with some of the other C4 dancers around the US. But, it's time to re-evaluate the whole thing.

I've been attempting to dance C4 for several years now. I've been to several C4 weekends. Most times, I'm dancing C4 one night a week, and sometimes two times in a week. I can do most of the calls as long as people are involved, but I really suck at doing things with lots of phantoms (esp. when shapechangers are involved). I'm not sure yet whether dealing with all those phantoms is just something I'll never be able to do, or if I could get better if I put in a lot of effort -- but if the latter is the case, I'm not sure that I want to put in that much effort. And I really don't want to be one of those people that others cringe when they see you in their square.

When I was at AC/DC recently, I spent most of my time in the A2 hall. It was just the most fun place to be. After the recent C4 weekend, lots of people were gushing about how much fun it was while I was feeling mostly relieved that it was over and that I hadn't screwed up too badly on the floor. I want to get back to being energized by dancing, and not feeling wiped out all the time.

I've promised wooddragon that I'll dance with her in June, but I'm not sure what I'll do after that.