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I can't decide which is worse
Jun. 27th, 2018 08:58 amI've been fairly bummed for the past couple of years mostly due to the election and what it says about my family, some of the people I (used to) hang out with, and the US. Not major depression, just a long time of being bummed; the metaphor I recently came up with was that I'm not on the edge, but I can see it from where I am.
Among the weird nit-picky things I've been thinking about lately is which of these bothers me most:
Usually I believe it's the whole hypocrisy of thinking that I should still "love" them even though they obviously think that I'm not worth much to them.
But, either way, it's become clear to me that people who vote Republican or support churches like the Catholic church really don't care about me.
I've basically stopped talking to most of my family. My family used to be a major focus for me. Now I am finding myself resenting decisions Mark & I made in the past where we gave up stuff in order to put a focus on my family.
I've also given up square dancing. Mostly, that was because I was sick of the time/effort required to maintain a decent level of competency (studying by myself at home on a regular basis, and then trips to get some actual practice before making other trips to actually dance). But, a significant portion of the decision had to do with not wanting to be around a bunch of the square dancers who are Republican. Sure, those people are "friendly" towards LGBT folks, but why should I put in time/effort to be a better dancer when they're willing to sacrifice my rights to get what they want?
I haven't decided whether I should make my feelings known to these people -- or whether they're even worth the time/effort and I'll just slip away. Sure, I'll be polite to them if I'm ever in the same room with them, just as I would be polite to an acquaintance I don't have a lot invested in. In many ways, these people are like old neighbors from many years ago in that we used to have a reason to interact, and now we've gone our separate ways and so have little reason to put any effort into maintaining a relationship.
ps: There's also a bit of stress/sadness due to dealing with in-laws aging and losing abilities, and spending time/money trying to do what we can to help them out while they're still alive.
pps: I've got a support system of people who I do know care about me, and I'm not going through a major depression (I've done that before, I know the symptoms). I'm just unhappy.
Among the weird nit-picky things I've been thinking about lately is which of these bothers me most:
- family/"friends" who are willing to sacrifice LGBTQ+ rights in order to get what they want politically (i.e. anyone who votes Republican)
- those people thinking that I should still treat them like they're important to me.
Usually I believe it's the whole hypocrisy of thinking that I should still "love" them even though they obviously think that I'm not worth much to them.
But, either way, it's become clear to me that people who vote Republican or support churches like the Catholic church really don't care about me.
I've basically stopped talking to most of my family. My family used to be a major focus for me. Now I am finding myself resenting decisions Mark & I made in the past where we gave up stuff in order to put a focus on my family.
I've also given up square dancing. Mostly, that was because I was sick of the time/effort required to maintain a decent level of competency (studying by myself at home on a regular basis, and then trips to get some actual practice before making other trips to actually dance). But, a significant portion of the decision had to do with not wanting to be around a bunch of the square dancers who are Republican. Sure, those people are "friendly" towards LGBT folks, but why should I put in time/effort to be a better dancer when they're willing to sacrifice my rights to get what they want?
I haven't decided whether I should make my feelings known to these people -- or whether they're even worth the time/effort and I'll just slip away. Sure, I'll be polite to them if I'm ever in the same room with them, just as I would be polite to an acquaintance I don't have a lot invested in. In many ways, these people are like old neighbors from many years ago in that we used to have a reason to interact, and now we've gone our separate ways and so have little reason to put any effort into maintaining a relationship.
ps: There's also a bit of stress/sadness due to dealing with in-laws aging and losing abilities, and spending time/money trying to do what we can to help them out while they're still alive.
pps: I've got a support system of people who I do know care about me, and I'm not going through a major depression (I've done that before, I know the symptoms). I'm just unhappy.