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Rorschach Tests
Dec. 24th, 2005 07:47 amWe saw "Brokeback Mountain" a few days ago. It reminded me that quality art is like a Rorschach test -- what you see in it reflects more about you than about the creator.
Enis' father isn't a major character in the movie by any stretch of the imagination, but the scene from Enis' childhood was very emotionally upsetting to me. It wasn't just the subject of that particular flashback, but the fact that his father's actions amounted to mental child abuse. It was not right to show such a thing to a child of 9 (or whatever). Perhaps the father was showing off or "trying to make a man" out of Enis.
My father certainly never did anything that egregious, although I felt various pressures to be a man and to live up to some kind of (unrealistic) standards that he had. And, I imagine that if he did something of the sort (in a lesser way), he would also want to "show off" in some anonymous manner without admitting his role.
Before watching "Brokeback Mountain", I thought that I had grown up enough to get past my childhood & not be dragged down by my father. But, obviously, that's wrong. Even though he has removed himself from my life, I haven't been able to completely free myself -- not when I see things like this make such an emotional impact on me.
After all the thinking I've been doing this week since watching the movie, I don't know if I'll ever stop reacting strongly when something reminds me of my father. I've been trying hard to do that, but maybe that's the wrong approach. Maybe that's his approach (and also Enis' approach) -- just ignoring/withstanding something and not showing any outward sign that it affects you. Maybe feeling the pain that I do is actually a good thing, and that allowing myself to be "sensitive" is also a form of separation from my father & his ideas of how a man should be.
Enis' father isn't a major character in the movie by any stretch of the imagination, but the scene from Enis' childhood was very emotionally upsetting to me. It wasn't just the subject of that particular flashback, but the fact that his father's actions amounted to mental child abuse. It was not right to show such a thing to a child of 9 (or whatever). Perhaps the father was showing off or "trying to make a man" out of Enis.
My father certainly never did anything that egregious, although I felt various pressures to be a man and to live up to some kind of (unrealistic) standards that he had. And, I imagine that if he did something of the sort (in a lesser way), he would also want to "show off" in some anonymous manner without admitting his role.
Before watching "Brokeback Mountain", I thought that I had grown up enough to get past my childhood & not be dragged down by my father. But, obviously, that's wrong. Even though he has removed himself from my life, I haven't been able to completely free myself -- not when I see things like this make such an emotional impact on me.
After all the thinking I've been doing this week since watching the movie, I don't know if I'll ever stop reacting strongly when something reminds me of my father. I've been trying hard to do that, but maybe that's the wrong approach. Maybe that's his approach (and also Enis' approach) -- just ignoring/withstanding something and not showing any outward sign that it affects you. Maybe feeling the pain that I do is actually a good thing, and that allowing myself to be "sensitive" is also a form of separation from my father & his ideas of how a man should be.