tag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627apparentparadoxapparentparadoxapparentparadox2023-02-08T04:13:08Ztag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627:38122Feedback2023-02-08T04:13:08Z2023-02-08T04:13:08Zpublic0This was in a recent James Clear newsletter (<a href="https://jamesclear.com/3-2-1/february-2-2023">https://jamesclear.com/3-2-1/february-2-2023</a>) with the following:<br /><br />“The trick to viewing feedback as a gift is to be more worried about having blind spots than hearing about them.”<br /><br />I think that advice will really help me. Feedback from my father was always negative and meant to cut me down, so I often get defensive when I shouldn't. Reminding myself that I really want to correct my blindspots could make getting feedback easier for me.<br /><br />[Also posted on Mastadon <span style='white-space: nowrap;'><a href='https://apparentparadox.dreamwidth.org/profile'><img src='https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png' alt='[personal profile] ' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: text-bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /></a><a href='https://apparentparadox.dreamwidth.org/'><b>apparentparadox</b></a></span>@tech.lgbt]<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=apparentparadox&ditemid=38122" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> commentstag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627:37751Privilege or subtle racism?2023-02-08T00:50:05Z2023-02-08T00:50:05Zpublic2I recently started doing an online Git course, and in one of the intro lessons, the course creator goes into a bit about how historically the default name of a Git repository was "master", but Apple and GitHub have recently changed to making the default name "main", and then goes into a diatribe about how this is imposing acceptable speech standards on the iOS development community.<br /><br />The course creator could have used this as an opportunity to talk about how arbitrary Git branch names are -- they don't have any meaning to Git, just the meanings that users choose to put on them. But, instead they did this diatribe.<br /><br />I'm really torn on whether to drop out of the course and request a refund. This seems to be just an example of privilege, rather than actual racism. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.<br /><br /><br />[Also posted on Mastadon <span style='white-space: nowrap;'><a href='https://apparentparadox.dreamwidth.org/profile'><img src='https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png' alt='[personal profile] ' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: text-bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /></a><a href='https://apparentparadox.dreamwidth.org/'><b>apparentparadox</b></a></span>@tech.lgbt]<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=apparentparadox&ditemid=37751" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> commentstag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627:37582A side-effect of driving on the left side of the road?2022-12-19T18:12:29Z2022-12-19T18:12:29Zpublic0I was watching a video from the UK recently talking about the new Subaru Solterra electric car. Since the video was from the UK, the steering wheel was on the right side of the car, which meant that the "infotainment" system was to the left of the driver. Thus, the driver has to control the screen using their left hand. I hadn't thought of that (probably) unintended consequence! Back when it was all physical knobs and buttons, I don't think it would have been a big problem to control things using one's non-dominant hand, but trying to use a touch screen is quite a different thing!<br /><br />I wonder if people who drive on the left side of the road are just forced to be a little more ambidextrous (or be left handed!) than people in other countries are?<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=apparentparadox&ditemid=37582" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> commentstag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627:37225Bros - not the right movie for me right now2022-10-06T16:58:08Z2022-10-06T16:58:08Zpublic2We went to see the movie "Bros" the other day. It's <em>very</em> rare for me to see a current movie, and even more rare for me to watch one in a movie theater. I think that the last movie I saw in a theater was a special showing of "Blazing Saddles" on the big screen about 5 or so years ago.<br /><br />Generally, I don't like modern movies. I like old movies (when dialog and not blowing things up were important parts of the movie). So, while Mark goes to the movies, I rarely go.<br /><br />The whole experience of going to movies these days is just weird to me. Reserved seats? Recliners? Trailers for movies that I'm never going to want to watch? Really, do they really think that there is a big crossover of people who go to see a rom-com and people who want to watch a movie about people who eat other people? Maybe their marketing department just figures that the pool of people who go to movies is so small that "people who to go movies" will go see just about any movie, and that it really isn't worth it to segment the advertising to "people who go to this type of movie" from "people who go to that type of movie". Still, I found myself cringing during several of the trailers and I wish that I could unsee some of what they were showing.<br /><br />"Bros" was an OK movie. It certainly wasn't a great movie. I can't figure out why the Billy Eichner character had any friends -- he certainly never acted like a good friend to any of his friends during the movie. I'm too old for the whole "'sup" way of starting a conversation with someone. But, it was a rom-com, I did cry in spots, it wasn't a horrible experience.<br /><br />However, it just wasn't the right movie for me right now. It seems like there has been a lot of death in my life (two friends lost a parent, I lost a good friend), and there were little things in the movie that really affected me. When they go to P-Town, Harvey Fierstein has a BnB and there's a very short bit where they show a picture of a bunch of people from the 80s, and Harvey's character is the only one still alive. And when they are in the meetings at the LGBTQ+ History museum, there are posters for the a couple of the "March on Washington" events and I can't think of those without remembering the AIDS quilt on the Mall. It doesn't help that the Luke Macfarlane character is an estate attorney.<br /><br />It's odd how maybe 60 seconds out of a nearly 2 hour movie can completely change how I reacted to the movie. For the movie plot, it doesn't really matter what Luke Macfarlane's character's job is; it's only important that he not like it. The "March on Washington" posters are just in the background. They could have had Stonewall posters or Disco paraphernalia and it wouldn't have changed the movie at all. The focus of the LGBTQ+ History Museum is queer people throughout all of history and I don't remember the AIDS crisis being referred to other than that one scene with Harvey Fierstein (and it wasn't mentioned directly even there). <br /><br />I guess the take-away is that small things can make a big difference, especially when you're feeling raw.<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=apparentparadox&ditemid=37225" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> commentstag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627:36978Seasons2019-05-18T21:13:31Z2019-05-18T21:13:31Zpensivepublic5It really struck home recently that I'm in the Fall of my lifetime.<br /><br />I need to buy a new rain jacket, and in the past, I've always believed that buying quality which will last is a much better thing than buying cheap. So, I started out by looking at rain jackets that were built well and would last. Of course, those are much more expensive than the cheaper quality jackets.<br /><br />I suddenly realized that buying a jacket that will last for 20 years isn't as useful to me as it would have been 20 years ago. I know that I still have many years of being active ahead of me (hopefully), but I doubt I'll need 20 years of a rain jacket that can stand up to an hour long brisk walk in the rain while venting well to reduce sweating. Maybe it's enough that the jacket lasts 10 years and costs a lot less, and when it comes time to replace it, my needs will have changed.<br /><br />Of course, there's still the whole notion of not wanting to contribute to a throw-away economy, so I won't settle for a jacket that needs replacing every couple of years.<br /><br />But, maybe a jacket that lasts for 10 years is the right choice for me these days.<br /><br />BTW, Fall and Winter are my favorite seasons, so I'm not upset that Spring and Summer are behind me. I'm just musing over how different some decisions are now than they were 20 years ago.<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=apparentparadox&ditemid=36978" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> commentstag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627:36811I can't decide which is worse2018-06-27T16:29:36Z2018-06-27T16:29:36Zpublic6I've been fairly bummed for the past couple of years mostly due to the election and what it says about my family, some of the people I (used to) hang out with, and the US. Not major depression, just a long time of being bummed; the metaphor I recently came up with was that I'm not on the edge, but I can see it from where I am.<br /><br />Among the weird nit-picky things I've been thinking about lately is which of these bothers me most:<br /><br /><ol><br /><li>family/"friends" who are willing to sacrifice LGBTQ+ rights in order to get what they want politically (i.e. anyone who votes Republican)</li><br /><li>those people thinking that I should still treat them like they're important to me.</li><br /></ol><br /><br />Usually I believe it's the whole hypocrisy of thinking that I should still "love" them even though they obviously think that I'm not worth much to them.<br /><br />But, either way, it's become clear to me that people who vote Republican or support churches like the Catholic church really <em>don't</em> care about me.<br /><br />I've basically stopped talking to most of my family. My family used to be a major focus for me. Now I am finding myself resenting decisions Mark & I made in the past where we gave up stuff in order to put a focus on my family.<br /><br />I've also given up square dancing. Mostly, that was because I was sick of the time/effort required to maintain a decent level of competency (studying by myself at home on a regular basis, and then trips to get some actual practice before making other trips to actually dance). But, a significant portion of the decision had to do with not wanting to be around a bunch of the square dancers who are Republican. Sure, those people are "friendly" towards LGBT folks, but why should I put in time/effort to be a better dancer when they're willing to sacrifice <em>my</em> rights to get what they want?<br /><br />I haven't decided whether I should make my feelings known to these people -- or whether they're even worth the time/effort and I'll just slip away. Sure, I'll be polite to them if I'm ever in the same room with them, just as I would be polite to an acquaintance I don't have a lot invested in. In many ways, these people are like old neighbors from many years ago in that we used to have a reason to interact, and now we've gone our separate ways and so have little reason to put any effort into maintaining a relationship.<br /><br /><br />ps: There's also a bit of stress/sadness due to dealing with in-laws aging and losing abilities, and spending time/money trying to do what we can to help them out while they're still alive.<br /><br />pps: I've got a support system of people who I do know care about me, and I'm <em>not</em> going through a major depression (I've done that before, I know the symptoms). I'm just unhappy.<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=apparentparadox&ditemid=36811" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> commentstag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627:36498An analogy2017-07-16T17:39:42Z2017-07-16T17:39:42Zpublic4I've been formulating this analogy in my mind lately. It still needs some work, but I thought I'd share it anyway.<br /><br />An alcoholic regularly gets drunk and drives home. Most of the time, nothing happens. Occasionally, the drunk is involved in some kind of mishap that only affects their own property (dings to the car, dents to the mailbox, etc.) One night, the drunk hits another car, killing one adult and one child, leaving the remainder of the family alive but in emotional agony and financial ruin. After sobering up, the drunk tearfully exclaims "I didn't mean to hurt anyone" and begs for forgiveness.<br /><br /><br />This is how I feel about people who register & vote Republican or who attend churches who get involved in civil matters (such as whether same sex marriage should be recognized by the government). Sure, if you asked some of those people, they would say that they personally don't agree with the Republican party or their church on those things. But, to me, they are like the drunk who didn't <em>plan</em> to hurt anyone. They support (through their time, money, and presence) organizations that do harm to others.<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=apparentparadox&ditemid=36498" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> commentstag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627:36332Hmmm2017-05-29T15:53:31Z2017-05-29T15:53:31Zpublic4When out walking the dog this morning, I saw a car with a bumper sticker that read "Keep Oregon Weird" on a car with Kansas license plates.<br /><br />Were they saying that they wanted to keep all the weird people in Oregon to keep Kansas safe from having to think outside their narrow ideas? Were they Oreganos* forced to live in Kansas for a while, and wanted to keep their hopes alive of the Oregon they loved?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />* I'm on a one person crusade to have people from Oregon called "Oreganos" rather than "Oregonians". I think "Oregonian" sounds weird, and "Oregano" is a yummy herb. Besides, people pronounce the one word "Ore-E-Go-Knee-Un", but we don't pronounce the state "Ore-E-Go-n", so actually "Oregano" is closer to how one pronounces the state name.<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=apparentparadox&ditemid=36332" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> commentstag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627:36079Beware of dog?2017-04-29T00:28:08Z2017-04-29T00:28:08Zpublic4I often walk by this one house. There is a "Beware of dog" sign on their fence.<br /><br />They have two dogs. Which one am I supposed to beware of?<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=apparentparadox&ditemid=36079" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> commentstag:dreamwidth.org,2017-04-07:2946627:35801Until We All Belong2017-04-13T01:53:49Z2017-04-13T01:53:49Zpublic1Australia has some cool ads going for marriage equality under the slogan "Until We All Belong", sponsored by some major corporations, including Air BnB.<br /><br />One <a href="https://untilweallbelong.com/the-acceptance-ring">fund raiser</a> is an "acceptance ring" that looks like a wedding ring, but has a 2mm gap to symbolize that not everyone can get married.<br /><br />There is more info, and some heart wrenching stories <a href="http://www.joemygod.com/2017/04/04/australia-major-companies-launch-acceptance-ring-campaign-support-marriage-equality-video/">here</a>.<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=apparentparadox&ditemid=35801" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> comments